19 January, 2015

red it

What I'm Wearing: American Apparel's Ribbed Crop + Bag + Disco Pants // Nike Shoes // Free People Hat

What I'm Currently Listening To: TV background noise

Hello there! Thank you for the kind words about my last post. I've gotten lovely tumblr messages, comments, and emails. I'm thankful to have such kind followers! Today I didn't have work or school so my roommate and I decided to take a walk and take photographs. Lately, my style has been inspired by Korean street wear. I love the mixture of structured clothing and relaxed clothing. I've been so busy lately, I don't have time for my feet hurting from my boots. I love that these shoes are very out of the box for my style as well. Yet at the same time they fit into my style effortlessly. 

This week is going to be one of the busiest week for me in a long time. I will inform you guys on new information as soon as I get it. I cannot wait to share more with you guys. Talk to you soon!

18 January, 2015

where have i been?

What I'm Wearing: Urban Outfitter's Denim Shirt // American Apparel's Floral Bodysuit + Riding Pants // Free Peoples' Hat

What I'm Currently Listening to: R U Mine? :: Arctic Monkeys

Wow. It has been a very long time since I've felt moved to type out anything in this blank space. I usually have notes written down somewhere to follow. Today I'm going to just spill it all out. I'm not up for much editing either. So those of you very much into grammar may cringe. Sorry about it.

Where have I been? Everywhere but here. I moved in December finally into a new apartment. I also worked and went to school in between that time. I spent my free time sleeping, crying, and just overall self-loathing. My clinical depression decided to kick my ass hard for the first time in years. It left me so mentally and physically ill. So ill that I was very close to having a "mini-stroke". I lost my vision, could barely hear, and could not feel one side of my body that day. A good friend of mine took care of me thankfully. I got to the hospital and learned that I had to change my diet again. I was eating trash for two months and my body couldn't take it anymore. As someone with many different health issues prior to this I knew better. I was just too down to give a shit.

Christmas and New Years (Eve) sucked. I cried all damn night until my stomach flipped on me. I didn't share my holidays with a single soul. Everyone did their thing without me, and in the past I never cared about this. I don't care if I sit home and watch ELF alone. I love the holiday's, but that damn depression sat heavy in my heart those days. I felt like shit. I felt as if everyone hated me so I just cried. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I was even crying in public. Which is not an okay thing for me. It hurts me greatly to show others I'm upset. It feels weak. It feels slightly ignorant and childish. My body couldn't let my pride win. It had to release the poison that sat on my veins for the past four months.

So where am I today? Everywhere but here. Yet I plan on returning strong this year. I've made the decision to become vegetarian again. I am also cutting out other bad habits of mine (ie. no more smoking cowboy killers). Since I've started I've felt 1000% times better. I'm also detoxing my mind. I'm taking long walks, getting back into affirmations and positive thinking. I'm attracting only good in my life. I'm learning to accept who I am. I'm learning to love myself for real this time. Therefore, I'm allowing myself to feel how my soul wants to feel. No more forced feelings.

Okay my brain is very much dead at this point. I will leave you for now, but not for long like I did last time. I'm ready to flood your feeds. I've missed all of you. You will see me soon babes!

Thank you for sticking by me and my blog. I've read your emails, comments, etc. You're all beautiful.